Go Unfu*k Yourself
Do you ever feel like things are completely beyond your control and someone, somewhere is having a laugh at your expense?
If you’ve ever seen ‘The Truman Show’, where Jim Carey’s character can’t even escape the town because some higher power dictates his every move, you’ll know what I mean. And, you know, sometimes that’s how it feels for many of us. However good my intentions are, I just can’t escape. I even drove a random old lady into the next town because she missed her bus, in an attempt to garner some good karma. It didn’t even work!
And my mum’s words ring in my ears, ‘God laughs at those who make plans!’
Well, God must be positively hysterical because I’m a huge planner and list maker!
So, is my mum, right? Am I constantly being thwarted by some higher power who derives comedy from repeated mishaps. I thought so… until recently…
I refuse to kowtow to the belief that I am at the mercy of a cosmic, comedic super being who exploits me as a punchline!
So, I recently bought a book: Unfu*k Yourself. Being an English student, it was the f-word that lured me in. It’s such a flexible word; it can be a verb – something you do. It can be a noun, ‘You’re a dumb fuck!’ It can be an intensifier ‘Fucking awesome!’ It can be an insult, or a compliment. I love this word, much to the disgust of my dad. But if the French had failed to win their battle in 1066, it may well have become a socially accepted word that your Granny uses at the dinner table to praise your mum’s cooking. ‘Joy, this is fucking awesome!’ (Said no one ever about my mum’s culinary skills!)
But back to my attempt to unfuck myself!
Imagine your fiercest friend firmly grabbing you by the shoulders and telling you, ‘You’re the biggest thing standing in between you and the life that you want. The story you’re telling yourself is preventing you from achieving what you want.’
And Gary John Bishop’s message is this. Too often in life, we wait to feel empowered, confident and motivated before we take action. We’re always waiting for the right moment. His message is that this is a backward way of thinking. Plus, he seemed to know me because he writes that our thoughts are not facts. Every negative thought does not represent the truth. And here lies my issue.
I visualise people disliking me, or thinking the worst of me, or judging my abilities harshly.
Therefore, he advises that we need to stop treating every negative thought as an authority. Furthermore, he captures a really important ideology: actions come first, confidence follows.
So those who know me may recollect I’ve bought a new bike: Athena, the Goddess of War. And with my new bike, came stiffer pedals. I’ve visited the cycle track a few times to get used to my new pedals, but chose to go at the family time, rather than the Pay and Pedal, because I really didn’t want to be judged for my clumsy clipping in. I just wanted to go out cycling with someone but don’t feel confident to join a club. But if I follow Bishop’s advice, I need to get out there and stop being so pathetic. This leads me to his next message.
You’re far more capable than your excuses suggest.
I can’t cycle because I need someone to go with me. But when I eventually took the plunge, I actually discovered I was faster than a woman who cycles over 226 miles a week, is a cycling influencer and has been cycling for years. Leg pressing 125kg twice a week perhaps helps with cycling performance? But so many of us fail to realise that we have transferrable skills and just because we don’t shout about stuff and post how great we are, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try. For example, silver medallist, Praveen Chithravel, a triple jumper, had originally been a gymnast! Who knows, if you don’t branch out and try something new, you never know how you’ll take to it.
I would argue, however, his most important challenge is to the phrase that I’ve repeated countless times: it’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.
Apparently, uttering this cliché is a recipe for failure. We consign ourselves to the shit that threatens to overwhelm our lives. It marks the moment we give up.
Instead, he argues, we should say, ‘I am willing.’ Also, we should repeat the phrase, ‘I am relentless.’
I am bloody relentless.
This book is a motivational kick up the bum. I needed it. Bishop postulates the view that your life changes when you stop waiting for permission and you take action.
Repeat after me: I am willing. I am relentless.
In the words of Bishop, go Unfu*k Yourself. It’s time!
Bibliography
Bishop, G.J. (2017) Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life. New York: HarperOne.
